Life, Love and Bunny Crackers

So I wrote this the other night after thinking a bit about our little guy and his impending arrival, all of the changes we've been through, and how excited we are to meet him. Nothing other than something I want to save for him to read someday...

In these last few days before you arrive, I feel so many different emotions. I am so excited to meet you, hold you, hear your cries, learn your expressions, see what type of personality you have (will you be loud and chatty like me, or more reserved like Daddy?), and see you start to grow and develop into the person you will be who will change this world somehow with your being in it.

In the moment that you arrive, I know that from then on, my life will be forevermore, completely, 100% different. And I am so excited for this change. I don’t feel a loss for my old life; I feel excitement for the life that lies ahead of me. You will rock our worlds so completely (even the cats don’t know what to expect) and we are excited to start this journey with you.

I do feel a sense of sadness in these last few days though – as I lay on the couch, or am driving, or sitting in my office, and place my hand on my stomach and feel you move underneath my skin. Feeling your kicks, punches, dance moves and swishes over the past few months has been so equally strange and comforting all at the same time. I commented to your Daddy that it will feel weird to not feel you move around in there, only to look next to me and see you there.

When you move, I feel a connection with you, and as selfish as it may sound, the connection is simple, and purely just “Mine.” For the past 9 months, you have been mine. Solely mine. And I am yours. You are so small, yet hold my heart completely. I am the one who has felt every one of your movements, every hiccup which made me laugh, your kicks and punches. From the beginning of our journey together, I knew every change I was experiencing in my body was from you.

At every chance I have had to hear your heartbeat or see you, I have cried. Tears of happiness for this wonderful gift. To share these moments with you over the past 9 months has been something I will never, ever forget. It’s something that will always bond us, something that can never be taken away from us. When you are older, and have children of your own, I will remember “our time” together. I know we will have many other moments throughout our life together, and I know I will cherish them all equally. But this part was the first part and it will stay with me forever.

I am admittedly scared of you arriving. I am scared of the newness of the situation, of the change it will bring. Of not being prepared - and knowing that I’ll probably never be fully prepared for what you have in store for us. But I know that I’m not going into this journey alone. I have your daddy, a wonderful man who loves you so much already. And I have you. My constant companion in life - my little boy. And with that knowledge, I am calmed. I know I may not be fully prepared, but that I love you already, so much and with all of my heart, and that is what I need to hold onto. Because, my sweet little guy…you are mine. And I am yours, completely and forever.